Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Mixed Emotions
We just had our one year evaluation with early steps. It just stirred up so many emotions. Both my husband and I left feeling defeated. We've worked so hard this year and Camryn still didn't meet all her one year goals. I can't explain the thoughts that go through my head every time I hear what Camryn is not doing and what she should be doing. She should be doing a lot more than she is. She's also not communicating as much as I'd like her to. Is this because of the Erb's Palsy and injury? I just don't know. I know things were going to be difficult but meetings like this bring out so many emotions.
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I understand how you feel. I have been here so I hesitate to tell you to focus on the positives...but I had people doing that for me. When I would get down and out the therapist would remind me of all things we did accomplish to try and get my focus of what we did not. I have learned 4 yrs into this journey that as a parent I need to be patient. This is easier said than done trust me, I know. Jadon has showed me time and again that he will do what everyone else does but it will not always be in the timeline of a "normal" child or done the same way as a "normal child because...well...he is not "normal". My child may not be normal but he is extraordinary. I am sure your daughter is also because I have seen it time and again with BPI kids. They are amazing and resilient kids!!! I know you are full of worries of how she will do this and that....I remember all of it in first year or two. I still think about certain things like that. The fact is that I will always be coming across something that we need to figure out how Jadon will accomplish but I have seen over four years that that Jadon will do what he wants to do. I am sure your daughter will too!
ReplyDeleteAs for the speech....Jadon was slow to develope on the language side also. Did you know this is not uncommon for a child that had gone under anesthesia under the age of 5? That is what I have read. One day only two months into speech therapy it was like Jadon's vocabulary just exploded and we have not been able to get him to stop talking since.
Sometimes when I get in a rut I pull out the pics of Jadon's arm limp..doing nothing but hanging there..just to remind myself how far we have come. Don't let this steal the joy of raising your beautiful daughter. I know it was not the journey you expected to be on (none of us do), it is a lot of work, and it is exhausting sometimes, but I have found it to be an amazing experience also.
Again....I am writing this from my perspective. Of what has helped me because I have been in the darkness like you are now and I know I will be again. I never know what will trigger it. I hope this helps.